Keeping Score

I decided to start a project for the wrong reason. It’s because of this reason that I ended up giving up said project for the short term.

I thought I had it all figured out. I carved out time on my calendar, I made plans, I had an idea…

Turns out, the measurement for success in this project was grossly incorrect, and I realized it a couple days ago when I picked up Steven Pressfield’s Turning Pro. I never finished the book, so I felt it was appropriate to continue.

I came across this passage and it really hit home surrounding this project:

The real utility of money is its convenience as a medium of exchange. If you and I have a goat in Smyrna, we don’t have to carry the poor beast in our arms all the way to Aleppo to trade it for a carpet. We can sell the goat in Smyrna, stash a silver dairy in our pocket, then take the dairy to Aleppo to buy the carpet.

But when we’re addicted to money, we become hooked on the metaphor.

Is money how we keep score? Is it magic? Is wealth a currency that opens doors, realizes possibilities, produces transcendence?

– Turning Pro

In my case… it was.

I thought I could craft this project and end up getting rich quick. I’ve seen enough documentaries on how that’s never the case but yet I thought otherwise. When my project started, I got a huge influx of traffic to it and I thought it was going to be smooth sailing.

Then the traffic died off, and everyone left. Not a sole gave a damn. I was hoping they’d throw their digital selves at me in the form of coming back or contributing, but they didn’t.

I wanted to make money off this project. I wanted it to become a full-time thing. I didn’t think about the other battle I was waging that would ultimately affect this one.

Losing sight of what’s most important in any project is common and while sometimes it’s recoverable, other times, there’s no way to go but to the bitter end.

I canceled my subscriptions to all the things necessary to keep it running. It’ll die in a few days, and that’s OK by me. It shouldn’t have ever lived. I wasn’t ready for it and I made a Frankenstein.

Such is life.

Learning experiences can be tough sometimes, but when you’re keeping score for all the wrong reasons, it’s bound to happen… and it should. It keeps reality in play.

So instead, I’m focusing on what’s most important and fulfilling for me. I need to keep my head in as few places as possible, while still getting enough stimulation to keep myself fresh and mentally alive.

Too many outlets can lead to burn out, even if all said outlets are appealing. Sometimes, going back to the basics is exactly what the doctor ordered.

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